Monday, November 29, 2004
Spotting smartness
Herself reflected: The hopes and fears
As I began to do the typing work, I noticed for the first time that even a letterhead could be done smartly. Then I met a few people in person sometimes. They were as smart as their letterheads. I was not only impressed, but also drawn towards them. They exuded confidence, spoke smoothly and knew exactly what they wanted and what they were doing. Well, I certainly wanted to be like them. It so turned out in that business that most of the callers and visitors were male. I had this great desire to unravel the mystery of their confidence. I would look for a small opening in the conversation and ask them about some detail of their background.
There was this caller, who appeared to be well into his forties from his voice, who would always fix up an evening meeting with my boss. I soon learnt he was the Chairman of a trust that ran a hospital. He would always be sweet and friendly on the phone. Once I made bold to tell him that I wanted a chance to meet him in person. He laughed. After a few days my Boss told me that Dr Cholkar had appreciated my way of handling calls. I was thrilled. I also realised that Dr Cholkar was a well-known personality in the city and regarded as a very effective speaker. He would get frequent mentions in the local newspaper. He didn't appear too smart but wielded some power alright. He did remark once that he liked my voice on the phone.
Some of the regular visitors to the office became friendly. I felt good with the kind of male attention. I realised I was slowly getting disengaged from the female company. Wasn't that what I wanted? I started doing little things with my appearance, like not wearing the bindi sometimes, wearing my hair shoulder length, keeping them open on Saturdays. I wanted to wear pants and jeans. I would have to save some money for that.
Sushama noticed these small changes in my behaviour. She was a nice and warm person but wasn't willing to step out of the line too much. I wasn't enjoying her company as much as I did in the beginning. So I started spending more time in the office after office hours, doing odd bits of work. That was how I first met Dr Cholkar.
As I began to do the typing work, I noticed for the first time that even a letterhead could be done smartly. Then I met a few people in person sometimes. They were as smart as their letterheads. I was not only impressed, but also drawn towards them. They exuded confidence, spoke smoothly and knew exactly what they wanted and what they were doing. Well, I certainly wanted to be like them. It so turned out in that business that most of the callers and visitors were male. I had this great desire to unravel the mystery of their confidence. I would look for a small opening in the conversation and ask them about some detail of their background.
There was this caller, who appeared to be well into his forties from his voice, who would always fix up an evening meeting with my boss. I soon learnt he was the Chairman of a trust that ran a hospital. He would always be sweet and friendly on the phone. Once I made bold to tell him that I wanted a chance to meet him in person. He laughed. After a few days my Boss told me that Dr Cholkar had appreciated my way of handling calls. I was thrilled. I also realised that Dr Cholkar was a well-known personality in the city and regarded as a very effective speaker. He would get frequent mentions in the local newspaper. He didn't appear too smart but wielded some power alright. He did remark once that he liked my voice on the phone.
Some of the regular visitors to the office became friendly. I felt good with the kind of male attention. I realised I was slowly getting disengaged from the female company. Wasn't that what I wanted? I started doing little things with my appearance, like not wearing the bindi sometimes, wearing my hair shoulder length, keeping them open on Saturdays. I wanted to wear pants and jeans. I would have to save some money for that.
Sushama noticed these small changes in my behaviour. She was a nice and warm person but wasn't willing to step out of the line too much. I wasn't enjoying her company as much as I did in the beginning. So I started spending more time in the office after office hours, doing odd bits of work. That was how I first met Dr Cholkar.
Systems and people
It seems to me that willy nilly I don't pay attention or respect to the people around me, if I find that they are not in tune with the Great Cause around which we gather. The Cause matters more than the people.
As I reflect I realise that the Cause exists because people are not cast in that mould. I am in Education and the cause is to contribute to the regeneration of our dormant society through it. People in power are interested in feeling powerful out of their nagging and petty little insecurities. If they don't experience power, they come face to face with their shallowness. That upsets them no end.
I sit in judgement over them, deride them and in my mind cancel them out. When I come face to face, I don't show them any respect, though never found wanting in courtesies. That is annoying for them. I said to myself the other day that all this has turned out to be self defeating. Let me try something instead.
So the other day, I showed respect alongwith courtesies to the Grand Old Man of our system. Let him enjoy his pomposity, he has a right to it. I will not get down to the petty level of grudging him his pettiness. Then with respect I stated my views very clearly and just as I was getting a little sharp, I stopped myself. Let me fully enjoy the freedom of stating where I am and what I want. That's what I did - trying to deal with my own pettiness.
I think there is some hope there.
As I reflect I realise that the Cause exists because people are not cast in that mould. I am in Education and the cause is to contribute to the regeneration of our dormant society through it. People in power are interested in feeling powerful out of their nagging and petty little insecurities. If they don't experience power, they come face to face with their shallowness. That upsets them no end.
I sit in judgement over them, deride them and in my mind cancel them out. When I come face to face, I don't show them any respect, though never found wanting in courtesies. That is annoying for them. I said to myself the other day that all this has turned out to be self defeating. Let me try something instead.
So the other day, I showed respect alongwith courtesies to the Grand Old Man of our system. Let him enjoy his pomposity, he has a right to it. I will not get down to the petty level of grudging him his pettiness. Then with respect I stated my views very clearly and just as I was getting a little sharp, I stopped myself. Let me fully enjoy the freedom of stating where I am and what I want. That's what I did - trying to deal with my own pettiness.
I think there is some hope there.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
The festival of lights
happy2fight
The past week was one of feasts and siestas, morning walks and small talks. I didn't have to go to office, nor did I want to. My recently-wed daughter,M and son-in-law,K, celebrated their first festival of lights according to the custom. We invited them over for lunch and they reciprocated. Them in India means the couple, the parents and the first of kin of the parents. So the party at our place had over thirty people. At theirs, it must have been slightly less. We exchanged gifts. I received an intricately carved silver box, small enough to hold in the palm. Very exquisite indeed.
It was a big occasion for my wife, her mother and sister and they happily planned for it days in advance. The high point always is the menu of the feast. This time they included a lot of items from the South instead of the traditional ones and combined them with a few North Indian delicacies.
The women in India do not think in terms of tradition Vs modernity. They work with tradition AND modernity. That helps them get on with their job in a more imaginative way. Tradition demands you cook every thing at home. Modernity offers you a wide choice of ready-to-eat items. Modernity offers you immense choices from India and abroad. These Ladies get on with the only job they know, that is, to celebrate life in togetherness. They are simply great!
The past week was one of feasts and siestas, morning walks and small talks. I didn't have to go to office, nor did I want to. My recently-wed daughter,M and son-in-law,K, celebrated their first festival of lights according to the custom. We invited them over for lunch and they reciprocated. Them in India means the couple, the parents and the first of kin of the parents. So the party at our place had over thirty people. At theirs, it must have been slightly less. We exchanged gifts. I received an intricately carved silver box, small enough to hold in the palm. Very exquisite indeed.
It was a big occasion for my wife, her mother and sister and they happily planned for it days in advance. The high point always is the menu of the feast. This time they included a lot of items from the South instead of the traditional ones and combined them with a few North Indian delicacies.
The women in India do not think in terms of tradition Vs modernity. They work with tradition AND modernity. That helps them get on with their job in a more imaginative way. Tradition demands you cook every thing at home. Modernity offers you a wide choice of ready-to-eat items. Modernity offers you immense choices from India and abroad. These Ladies get on with the only job they know, that is, to celebrate life in togetherness. They are simply great!
Saturday, November 06, 2004
A ritual
happy2fight
This morning our process lab ended with the ritual of the Magic Pot. The lab spread over 5 days with four sessions of small group work, each session of 90 minutes. We spent time talking of our experiences and then exploring them with the underlying choices and meanings that we hold. We also talked of our feelings of here and now. We were two facilitators with 14 participants.
The ritual of the Magic Pot is very powerful indeed. It needs to be held very firmly and delicately. Participants come to the pot and announce what they would like to leave behind, as they prepare to depart. This morning the pot received so many things: numbness, overaggression, diffidence, impatience, procrastination, dread of losing parents and so on. Every time the pot - consisting of five people sitting in a circle - receives something, it gives back to the participant something or the other.
The pot does not give reassurances and guarantees nor does it offer compensations for the negativities. Instead, it looks at the whole experience surrounding the socalled negativity and the experiencer and offers that part which the participant is not in a position to look at and own. It is extremely interesting, rewarding, humanising and demanding to explore the universe surrounding the negativity.
As I write this, I am with the offering of Numbness. To me, it has meant suffering, helplessness and also protection against incapacity. Too much suffering can render me incapacitated. Instead I become numb and carry on. But I don't want to continue benumbed. Then I have to work with my suffering. I have to face it and unfreeze myself so that I can move. I need to offer some warmth to myself. Where do I discover it? When it gets too cold, I rub my palms and feel warm. I can't wish away pain and suffering. I can bring my hands together. So as the person offers numbness, let the person recover the need to protect oneself from incapacity and discover inner resources that offer warmth to oneself and if necessary, feel free to ask for warmth from others. That's what the pot offers back.
As I took my place in the pot, I started working with myself and feeling into the statements of the participants. In that time of 90 minutes I went round my own world of feelings so many times.
The ritual ends on an interesting note. The Magic Pot is not outside us, but inside us. We can invoke it whenever we get restless and offer those negativities and await its gifts in return.
This morning our process lab ended with the ritual of the Magic Pot. The lab spread over 5 days with four sessions of small group work, each session of 90 minutes. We spent time talking of our experiences and then exploring them with the underlying choices and meanings that we hold. We also talked of our feelings of here and now. We were two facilitators with 14 participants.
The ritual of the Magic Pot is very powerful indeed. It needs to be held very firmly and delicately. Participants come to the pot and announce what they would like to leave behind, as they prepare to depart. This morning the pot received so many things: numbness, overaggression, diffidence, impatience, procrastination, dread of losing parents and so on. Every time the pot - consisting of five people sitting in a circle - receives something, it gives back to the participant something or the other.
The pot does not give reassurances and guarantees nor does it offer compensations for the negativities. Instead, it looks at the whole experience surrounding the socalled negativity and the experiencer and offers that part which the participant is not in a position to look at and own. It is extremely interesting, rewarding, humanising and demanding to explore the universe surrounding the negativity.
As I write this, I am with the offering of Numbness. To me, it has meant suffering, helplessness and also protection against incapacity. Too much suffering can render me incapacitated. Instead I become numb and carry on. But I don't want to continue benumbed. Then I have to work with my suffering. I have to face it and unfreeze myself so that I can move. I need to offer some warmth to myself. Where do I discover it? When it gets too cold, I rub my palms and feel warm. I can't wish away pain and suffering. I can bring my hands together. So as the person offers numbness, let the person recover the need to protect oneself from incapacity and discover inner resources that offer warmth to oneself and if necessary, feel free to ask for warmth from others. That's what the pot offers back.
As I took my place in the pot, I started working with myself and feeling into the statements of the participants. In that time of 90 minutes I went round my own world of feelings so many times.
The ritual ends on an interesting note. The Magic Pot is not outside us, but inside us. We can invoke it whenever we get restless and offer those negativities and await its gifts in return.
