happy2fight

happy2fight: happy2fight

I went into a meeting with a mental poise- a resolve that however stormy the issues, I will remain calm and unruffled. Two members cleverly started pointing accusing fingers at a colleague of mine and me. I did not get rattled. My colleague did. I put across my point calmly. It did not have any impact. I did not labour it long, leaving it where it was. My colleague went into a lengthy defence, which brought him into deeper waters. When a direct allegation was hurled at me, I countered by pointing out the lapse of the opponent. He did not take to it kindly. Towards the end of the meeting, he realised the futility of arguing beyond a point. I joked about it and all of us loosened. The hot air vanished.

I reflected on my temporary lapse from my poise. I still relish tripping others if they go on a blast. It gives me tremendous kicks. It is really pointless. At 54, I should give myself the liberty sometimes to be childish and adolescentish. People refer to me as a senior life member. That's a bit silly. Fighting like teenagers disturbs my poise for some time longer. I have better things to get excited about. After the meeting, I asked my socalled oppo for a lift. He agreed. His front tyre was punctured. He apologised for his inability to drop me back. He has an air of deviousness about him, which is charming, like the God of all Tricks, Krishna. I am no less devious.

happy2fight: happy2fight

Thanks Ciara for putting my blog into blogs you like. To remind me of the hand of friendship, I have copied my comment on your 'deepest fears' below.

I experience myself when I am quiet. I watch the beginning of a thought and a feeling and go slowly into it. The idea of me and watching seems to go away. There is only that moment. If you call this as Light, may be it is. I don't want to fill my head with ideas. They block my light. I long for the moment of that intimate conversation with myself. Yes, it is true, then my conversations with others are also on a different plane. It struck me that a female cannot be a nobody, given the energy that resides in her.

As I sometimes taste the free spirit, there is a thought that comes up asking me to redefine my life. I don't know from where this bird comes and lands up right in front of me. It prances about for some time and then flies away. I can't catch it. Let me observe it closely though.

happy2fight

If you force something towards an end, you produce the contrary. I have been using this principle in my forays into setting up a new institution at Mumbai. There are already people there who are running an institution. In their premises is going to come up a new one. The people working there must have a connection with the new. It has to be different from what they have been doing. Yet, they must connect with it in some way. This means it must connect with their aspirations. They desire something from the future. They have some dissatisfaction with the way things are. They also have ideas to address the issues that give rise to the dissatisfaction. It is my effort to kindle this interest in them to act on their discontent.

Of course, things cannot go at the same pace. The pace must quicken, but it must sit well with them. I have to show them this can happen. I have my own ideas. I have to put them across without forcing them down their throat. I have to also become a part of that set-up. I cannot stand outside and give them marching orders. I have to march with them. My pace of doing things is different from theirs. I have to express this clearly to them.

It should be interesting to see how this happens.

My struggle is to make others see that in their pursuit of narrow selfish ends, they are destroying the spirit of the institution. In this I seem to be sitting in judgement over them. That's why they do not listen to me.

Instead, I can ask them what their vision is. What do they see as the spirit of the institution? What do they see as their role? Are they achieving it?

If they answer these questions honestly, there is room for dialogue. If they don't, the real issue is their location in the scheme of things. They are there to serve their own ends. It is better to ask them to leave or I should part with their company.

If I try to resolve my conflicts, it is not going to help. I must go to the root of the conflict. Then there is a way out.

Let me see what happens.

Karl Marx used to return late from the British Museum library. He could not buy any toys for his daughters. But he would play a game with them - a game of words. His daughter would ask him a question and Marx would give an answer.

Once she asked, what is happiness, Papa? You can see the innocent face of the poor girl, who knew only the joy of her parents' company and nothing more. Marx replied," Happiness is to fight." I wonder what the poor girl must have got from it.

I have fought many times. I believed I was fighting the forces of the evil at times. The fight was lonely and long. Sometimes I was battling myself. The road ahead then looked dark. If I stood firm, and I did, I found help coming from unexpected quarters. There were good people who believed in justice and goodness and came forward to help.

To meet such people of goodness, I considered, was my good fortune. Even to this date, I recall those days when we fought and found comrades-in-arms. That camaraderie is not of the cafe or of the bar or the cinemahall. It is enduring. It restores and sustains faith in the future and goodness of human beings.

I don't know what Marx meant when he said that. This is what I have experienced.